he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
PS: I just woke up from my shower
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
