I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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