onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
