your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
