Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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