thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
