how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
