is wine microwaveable?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
