my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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