Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
