last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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