I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
