Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
