So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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