Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
