My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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