i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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