I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
