forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were trust falling into bushes
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
