there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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