I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I supernannyed him into submission
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
