Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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