I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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