how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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