I want to stick my p in your. b.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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