He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
