shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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