I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i drank out of a bidet.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
