mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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