so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
this beer tastes like vomit already
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
