In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The struggles of a small town man whore
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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