I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
