woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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