i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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