I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
