she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
