I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
