My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
