i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
