he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
