Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
