Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
