apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
