I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
