I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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