I bet he comes in French.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
