Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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