currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
