But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
