Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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