kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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