And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
