Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
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