I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
