That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
