my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
