They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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