i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
